Studies clearly indicate that children living with their own two married parents have enormous advantages in life, both short-term and well into adulthood. But, what specifically can we do as parents to give our children the best chance at health and happiness in their relationships in the future?

Remember that kids are always watching. In her book "What Children Learn from Their Parents' Marriage", Judith P. Siegel, PhD, states in the subtitle that "it may be your marriage, but it's your child's blueprint for intimacy".

How we show affection, negotiate differences, handle conflict, depend on each other, and establish priorities is constantly being communicated. Its a good idea to take a look at what we are "saying" about marriage and brush up on our own skills to be better models if necessary.

We need to be clear about our expectations for our kids' dating relationships. Many good parents who will talk with their kids about the dangers of smoking, of drugs, of the importance wearing a seatbelt, or even sunscreen will go no further than tossing their teen a box of condoms and suggest that they "be safe". The world of our teens is very different than the world we grew up in... and a condom doesn't protect their heart.

Visit http://awarenessinc.org for further information about how to talk to your kids about relationships and high risk behaviors.

"Young people are seeing and hearing about sex everywhere," said Marlene Pearson, author of the four unit Love U 2: Getting Smarter about Relationships, Sex, Babies and Marriage, a comprehensive relationship curriculum. "In far too many instances, it is not being talked about in the home where we have the potential to make the biggest impact. Research shows that 45 percent of teens said their parents influenced their decisions about sex most strongly. How strongly a teen feels connected to his or her parents is the key protective factor. If parents want their young people to know how to approach relationships well we need to be engaging teens in conversations about issues that go beyond body based sex education." Ms. Pearson believes that we need to shake things up a bit and talk more to kids about the context for sex, and that is relationships. "I teach criminology at a two year technical college in Wisconsin," said Ms. Pearson.

"I have seen many young people come to us with their lives thrown off track - early pregnancies, failed relationships, and so many young, single moms. They get help in so many areas, but the one area where they weren't getting help was with their love lives and those failed relationships have the potential to derail everything else." According to Ms. Pearson, we have separated sex from relationship development and made it a health issue. She believes we have to ask ourselves the question, "If we could take away all of the health consequences of being sexually active, would we still want our teens sexually active?" Many would say no. There are so many social, emotional and ethical reasons for teens not to be sexually active, not the least of which is sex can always create babies and teens are not ready to be parents. A survey conducted by International Communications Research showed that 93 percent of teens believe it is important for them to be given a strong message from society that they should abstain from sex. Almost 8 out of 10 girls and 6 out of 10 boys state they regret being sexually active and wish they had waited. "I see a lot of young people wandering without a whole lot of guidance," said Ms. Pearson.

"I believe we haven't even begun to help teens understand infatuation, the purpose of dating, the benefits of going slowly or what to get to know about somebody. Most have no idea how to gauge whether a relationship is healthy and what it means to be sexually active. I think we have to pump meaning back into sexuality. If anything, the sexual culture has emotionally downsized sex." According to Ms. Pearson, we need to move from a narrow health-based approach to talking with kids about sex by adding a heart-based approach as well.

All teens should know some of the basics:
* Talk with your kids about the health aspects as well as the heart aspects of sex. That means addressing social and emotional dimensions of sexuality along with the health dimensions.

* Place the discussion firmly in the context of relationship development, love and commitment. Remember, this is precisely what teens want to hear.

* Let your teen know that only 47 percent of teens are really doing it, according to the Center for Disease Control. Teens tend to overestimate the numbers of sexually active young people.

* Share the experiences of other teens who "have been there and done that" and wish they had waited. Some of these testimonies are the most powerful deterrents. It would be one thing if teen sex was bringing teens everything they wanted, but in light of the statistics above clearly it is not.

* Many parents have done drugs, shoplifted or had sex in their teen years. Just because you did it doesn't mean you want your children to do the same. Our goal should be to help our kids do better. Parents have to recognize that today it is a totally different ballgame with regard to STDs.

* We need to do more to help teens understand what makes sex beautiful and wonderful. It is more than a physical connection. We need to help our kids understand it is an emotional, social, trusted and committed relationship - it is fully developed intimacy. Quite frankly, those types of relationships just don't typically happen in high school. Our goal is to help young people understand what true intimacy is, how it develops and how that ultimately leads to great sex in a married relationship. Sex too soon just simply doesn't deliver.

* Parents need to teach skills to negotiate the natural pressures toward greater physical involvement. Help them think through the many steps between the first kiss and intercourse and what they want each step to mean and where they will draw their boundaries. Talk with kids about the pleasure and enjoyment of staying in the early steps of attraction.

* We cannot forget about those teens who may have had sexual intercourse, but are open to changing their behavior and doing something different. Be supportive of them in their efforts to change their behavior.

"Helping kids possess a compass - values, goals and vision for the future is one of the best things we as parents can do to assist them in navigating the choppy waters of adolescent relationships," said Ms Pearson.